“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”- Spice Girls
You absolutely know this amazing line from the most perfect pop song ever devised, you’re probably singing it right now.
I’m also sure you let your fiance know this is an unflinchingly rigid rule because you and your girls are a package. (I’ve certainly heard it in my relationships.)
Friends create such a special bond and provide support on various levels. Your friend’s support manifests as;
social satisfaction(wine nights, dinners, coffee dates, just hanging out and enjoying company)
advice for important decisions(usually like “what do you think of the person I’m interested in?” or “what do you think of me going for this job?”)
Advice on less important decisions(“Would you wear this?” or “I think *insert thought* , what do you think?”, or something else utterly stupid)
a shoulder to cry on(when you feel like your life is over, they remind you it’s not and reignite your positive outlook)
Even in some instances, a bailout until your next paycheck comes.
These are just some ways you are supported by friends and there are countless others.
So your friends mean a great deal to you, obviously, and your bridesmaids are the best of the best.
So meaning level has just been UPPED!
Your bridesmaids know you have dress fittings, cake tasting, sample menus to try and fun cute engagement photos to take… All of which you want to look and feel great for and remain compliant on your wedding weight loss journey.
You’re in bride mode and ready to start eating better, adding exercise and adopting a healthy lifestyle.
Great!
Your changes have been going on for a good amount of time.
Your friends and bridesmaids are supporting you as you moonwalk down the badass bride-to-be dance floor.
But then…
You’re out to dinner with friends where they try to, what it seems, coerce you into having dessert or a drink. At the very time where it doesn’t fit with weight loss.
But you’re not faltering as you’re focused and committed!
“I shouldn’t. I have a dress fitting coming up.”
“Not tonight, I already had a cake tasting this week.”
“I have a photo shoot with the photographer tomorrow and don’t want to look bloated.”
All great responses that should be viewed with respect for your decision. But sometimes, someone just doesn’t relent.
Here come the peer pressuring phrases.
“Just one bite is okay” (Guilt trip?)
“You need to relax” or “you need to loosen up.” (these are commands, not requests)
“Treat yourself, you deserve it!“(this particular phrase is a dangerous one, psychologically speaking)
Situations like this can get to be a bit much and hard to deal with.
You don’t want to offend anybody and you still want to make choices that support your goal(s).
So how do you get your bridesmaids to not fuck up your wedding weight loss? Here are three methods in which to do so.
1.) Find ways to bond with bridesmaids not revolving around food.
Food has been woven into traditions, holidays, routines and rituals for as long as time.
Birthday dinner(because what better way to celebrate another lap around the calendar than to do something you do everyday anyway, but because you were born on that day, it’s special?!)
Taco Tuesday
Wine Wednesday(want to learn how to keep your wine and still see results?)
Christmas time? Make a SHIT TON of cookies
The days of the week can now dictate the menu, that’s power! But it doesn’t stop there! Let’s take another look at some scenarios.
Pregnant friend? Let’s have a baby shower but also have a shit ton of food.
Christening? Awesome, let’s have a ceremony…. Then food.
Welcome back from college! We’re having dinner with the family.
These rituals can be cultural or just traditions you live out with friends and family.
It’s nice to bond with those closest to you.
Yes, it’s also fun to partake in delicious food from time to time but those things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Also, isn’t the time spent together the more cherished memory?
Not the wine.
Or the tacos.
Nor the Christmas cookies(I know, how dare I.)
Don’t lose sight of the special times by being engorged in food.
(and please don’t think I’m anti-Christmas cookies or food at functions)
Focus on the stories that are told and the memories created with your bridesmaids.
Think about if that could demand a little more focus.
It’ll be easier to ward off food and stay compliant.
If you still can’t resist, you can still sensibly indulge by being mindful of what you eat/drink.
If you are up for trying something new, think what else can have the same or similar effect!
This leads us into method 2
2.) Implement a New Tradition with your bridesmaids
This one at first may be a little difficult and even counterproductive to the first point. Think of how you can co-mingle existing activities with more healthful behaviors or just improve an activity altogether.
Say you meet your bridesmaids for coffee and get one of those tantalizing treats on display too.
Why not still chat, but on a walk?
Or a hike?
This is a great way to increase your non exercise activity and still get some bridesmaids bonding. The more healthful behaviors you implement, the more likely you’ll get to your goal!
Wine night is very fun. Ya get ya gossip on, watch shitty(but entertaining) reality TV and once again, enjoy the time with your friends.
If you have a designated wine day of the week, try swapping it with a healthy cooking competition!
Invite a couple of your same cork dork friends over and have a cook off!
Find one or two recipes you wanna make(Or grab some from my Eat Better Recipe guide and pass them off as yours. Shush, I won’t tell!) and double or triple the recipe.
In a couple of hours, you spent quality time with ya homies and you all have delicious and healthy food for the week, a lot of which you didn’t even need to cook.
Two stones and one bird(wait, that’s not right.)
Think of those fun cooking stories just waiting to happen! Just make sure everyone won’t need the oven at the same time cause the competition may get heated.
What else can you think of where you can take a pre-existing tradition and make it more aligned with your goals?
3.) Take a Step Back
Yes, taking a step back and viewing the entire picture will let you know that your newfound change isn’t your friend sabotaging you….
Of course they want to support you. It could just be something they’re not aware of. Consider this.
While you’re on your wedding weight loss journey and start changing your actions, it threatens what’s in place.
This could piggyback off the first point of trying to bond with things other than food or be something different altogether.
Wine night isn’t as fun without everyone drinking wine.
Going out to the bar with friends ready to take shots as you order seltzer changes the dynamic.
You saying “I can’t, I’m going to the gym” while your friend was excited about potential plans she had for you can be a damper.
You want to handle these situations with compassion and openness.
Remember, when you start to do things to improve your behaviors, it threatens what’s already in place.
It also makes your friends shine a light on themselves, possibly causing feelings of guilt, shame or comparison. Especially if you’re improving something they’re sensitive about right in front of their face.
Just as you don’t want them to flash a trigger food in your face and tease you, you don’t want them to feel worse about themselves by flashing something in their face either!
Up close, it may seem like your bridesmaid is trying to fuck up your progress. But when you take a step back, they may just need to tell you what they want, what they really, really want.
So you tell them what you want, what you really, really want.
And hopefully you both can really, really, really wanna zigazig ah
(Which in this context, means a compromise and mutual understanding and respect)
When it comes to your bridesmaids and being on a mission to lose weight for your wedding, you are bound to be tempted.
But how you handle these can drive you closer to your goal but away from your friends and vice versa.
We use food for everything!
Revolving your outings around things other than food can ward off temptation and triggers.
Healthify your traditions!
You can completely change what you do or make what you do more healthy. The important thing is spending time with your mains.
Take a step back.
This method requires you to be more aware of what’s going on. But in doing so, you can preserve your friendships and find a common ground that doesn’t threaten your goals or make your friend(s) feel guilty or shameful for your positive changes.
You now have powerful tools to keep you consistent on your behaviors while also enjoying time with the ones you love most.
I believe the Spice Girls referred to this as “Spice up your life.”
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